My Personal Experience with Psilocybin aka Magic Mushrooms. What I wished I'd known before I took my first trip.
We're experiencing a renaissance of PSYCHEDELICS and I myself, have been fascinated with 'plant medicines' for about 10 years, to the point that I learnt how to journey with DMT naturally from within for years.
Whilst I don't need to physically ingest psychedelics, I'd chosen to experience magic mushrooms, especially considering the consensus has always been that mushrooms are the 'light and easy' way to experience psychedelics.
The first thing I will point out is that I AM NEITHER FOR NOR AGAINST the use of psychedelics but I will stress the importance of you doing your own research and you working out whether it is the right journey for you.
I've had various friends rave about magic mushrooms for quite sometime and what I found the most interesting was that the consensus around 'shrooms' was that they carried no 'sting' and are pure party favours and are energy enhancing, with no hangover. Shrooms are regarded as the ability to hit Burning Man with zero crash.
Many report taking shrooms simply made them feel childish and playful. I found this rather interesting and I wished to understand the reality based around the shroom first hand.
Given all the research about psilocybin and the brain reset, especially in mental health, I wondered if this might be an alternative therapy for so many suffering with mind based illness and dis-ease.
So, I chose to go on my own journey.
My intuition suggested that I take the journey alone, which I found interesting. The intuition went as follows "you can facilitate yourself, the journey is different when doing it alone however, as you're going within, not externalising the experience...in fact...the reason why it is viewed as a party drug, is simply due to the intention of it being a party drug and the psyche journeys out in to the dream, not within, into the subconscious.
I knew SETTING AND INTENTION was king for any trip. So on a recent Saturday morning I did the following:-
1. I cleaned my home.
2. I played mantra music
3. I spent some time writing down intentions.
4. I made a pot of herbal tea
5. I even put on an outfit that symbolised my spiritual nature and got super comfy.
I thought I'd done everything right and felt pretty confident, although somewhat nervous in case I'd actually find myself in a state that I couldn't control...alone...But herein lies one of the underlying points about psychedelics...it's a leap of blind faith.
So I certainly knew I had to be careful with the dosages and I started very small.
I waited 1.5hrs.
So, I took 4 times as much with an 'ALL-IN' attitude, also thinking, so what can actually happen? I'll pop on some music, maybe dance about with my cat and giggle uncontrollably, by myself?
Sounds good to me.
Another 2 hours pass.
Quite literally, this is how the thought form processed...
"Maybe I've got duds, how is it possible I'm not experiencing anything...should I take the rest...and boom...an inner voice piped up...
"you've been watching plant dragon for the last 45 mins, trust me, it's working"
I was stunned with a "what!!! Who said that inside my head, what is plant dragon?" and Then I saw it and my awareness on a conscious level all kicked into a oneness to engage with plant dragon. I watched this plant on my balcony swaying in the wind, trying to reach a bowl of water I put out there for the birds (Australia is experiencing severe drought and bushfires at present) so I found this super interesting in reflection). As I am watching plant dragon, clear as day, I then spot 'mini Jesus' in the body of plant dragon and I was receiving an aha "mini jesus is guiding plant dragon on how to quench his thirst, but why won't plant dragon listen...he is falling on deaf ears, he just needs to stop and allow himself to be guided"
I was so enthralled by Plant Dragon I even took a video of it and zoomed in on where mini jesus was. I also laughed at the concept of plant dragon and I had a oooooh myyyyyy goddddd.
And the introspection came about so much. I was with no body, no mind, just pure awareness. Mushrooms don't produce hallucinations, but what they actually do is create distortions of your perception in reality. So I noticed furniture was buzzing, swaying, suspended in what was a hovering invisible space. Everything just seemed illuminated to me, I was illuminated and as I reflected on the distortions, I too recognised I was an illuminated distortion in the perception of myself perceiving my own reality.
I was on a journey inside myself, my journey was all about the conception of reality.
What is real, WHO AM I. I AM NOTHING AND NO THING.
What I found the most interesting was that the mushrooms spoke. I know the inner voice of my inner voice. I know the inner voice of my lower mind, my higher mind etc. This was an inner voice that was very knew to me however. The voice felt like it came from nowhere in particular and yet everywhere.
Not only did the mushrooms speak, they literally yelled out the following:-
"You have an unresolved issue with *insert name*. You must ask her what she meant by her comment when she said *insert* and also, you MUST find out what she thought she was actually doing when she did *insert* to you"
I was GOBSMACKED. I had absolutely zero idea that I'd suppressed anything at all about this person. I just thought I was busy, I thought I'd outgrown this person, I just simply wasn't resonating with them anymore. BUT it was all due to the last time I'd seen her when she did some things that must've triggered me on a subconscious level...enough to have unresolved issues.
There was no way, I could've unearthed this, without the mushroom guidance as we went so deep into the journey, we obviously went where no ego, or no mind in control would go.
Whilst I have not confronted this person, who I also dearly LOVE. My instructions from the mushroom is that I must...and I do think I will, once I'm fully processed.
The crux of the 'issues' was the fact that I had never addressed them with the people involved. I learnt, I will never confront someone I truly love, out of fear of hurting their feelings. I had no idea that as someone who is so strong and will even take on a room full of people if I am in opposition, the situation is very different if it's a loved one. This was a huge revelation for me about how I process and how the human mind works in terms of subconscious retention and repression.
I was in this suspended state of no time and no space. And it was a time for questions and answers and namely insights via ahas. But it felt like the mushrooms were offering me these insights and that they weren't necessarily coming from me. Such a strange experience, but I think you can only get this, if you've experienced it first hand.
So anyway, the loud sentences came as follows;-
"LIFE IS THE PSYCHEDELIC TRIP" You do not need to take a drug to take you into an altered state of consciousness, it's all already here and now. Just work with it naturally.
PSYCHEDELICS do not create anything real. It's like you're simply dreaming.
NO. MUSHROOMS WILL NOT HELP YOUR BROTHER WITH HIS SCHIZOPHRENIA...although micro-dosing will most definitely help and will be better than the chemicals he's on now.
What followed for some hours are not in my memory banks and the next thing I remembered, was feeling extreme fear. I had an image of bull horns on my wall that morphed into a silver liquid metal like alien and boom! MY ENTIRE BODY FELT the eyes of this alien peering from within a multi-dimensional portal with what felt like a laser gun of energy aiming at my heart and body. I froze with a HOLLY SHIIIIIIT. I had no concept of reality, that I was on mushrooms, I was so in the now state, I had no thoughts, no intuition, no guidance, just pure fear. I sat trembling and then my intuition took charge. Get yourself to your room. I practically ran to the room, shaking and it was then I said "FARK THIS SHIT, MUSHROOMS ARE EVIL, I NEED TO GET THIS OVER WITH"
The voice came in so loud and clear.
"Go out there and get your pot of tea. You MUST go out there and face the fact that fear isn't real. Go. I was frozen. But then I said 'okay, deep breath, here I go". I got my tea with a YOU ARE NOT REAL, YOU ARE NOT REAL.
And I got into bed. I felt like I was exploding from the inside out and I found myself reciting mantra outloud. I was even tripping out on hearing this child like cute sound come out of my mouth as if it wasn't me at all. I was witnessing it as well as instructing it. I started conscious breathing...inhale...1,2, 3, 4, 5...exhale...peace, love, gratitude, balance...I did this for about 3 minutes and everything went back to normal. I actually breathed myself 'straight' and it was all gone with a congratulations...you just learnt how to work with intense fear and you guided yourself...you facilitated yourself...you got through pure hell....again...now stop putting yourself in a position of self-punishment. Love yourself enough to not put yourself through such a trauma. You did it to yourself. Ask why you did it to yourself.
The biggest message about psychedelics was the message about asking yourself why you want to punish yourself by putting yourself into a self-induced hell. It's not something to play around with and can come with long-term mental health issues.
I remember having the thought that I 'd definitely never play with any psychedelics again. The funny thing is, I woke up the next day feeling INCREDIBLE. I felt lighter than I have in a long time and i had a sense of true peace, calm and not only did I not regret it, I was actually happy I did it. There was no residual fear present whatsoever. I have noticed my dreams are pretty intense since and I've always experienced lucid dreams, so this is not necessarily new to me.
I found it interesting that before my experimentation, I saw nothing but positive information about pscilocybin. Afterwards however, I started unearthing some interesting quotes like as follows by the Godfather of Psychedelics, Terrence McKenna:-
"You could not pay me to take 5g of mushrooms...there needs to be more reverence for mushrooms as I would say they are the most petrifying and powerful of all the psychedelics...everyone thinks ayahuasca is the big one. NO. I'd say mushrooms are the most powerful AND it's the only psychedelic that actually speaks. It doesn't hold back and can be full of rage. With DMT, it's purely visual, but the mushroom tells you what you need to know and it's connected to reality as oneness, so you will feel the collective energy and that's also very scary stuff".
McKenna even mentioned the fact that most people who enjoy taking mushroom trips (and psychedelics in general) are often 'suckers for punishment'. It's kind of like a game of how much hell can you put your mind through and simply just make it through unscathed.
I was shocked to see these perspectives.
So, I can safely say, I will not consider taking moderate to large doses of any psychedelic again, but I am currently sticking to testing micro-dosing and will do this for one month. I would highly suggest anyone considering doing psychedelics that you consider micro-dosing. Assuming of course, you're interested in the potential benefits in depression, bi-polar, anxiety or addiction etc.
If you have severe mental health issues, I would not recommend psychedelics. Whilst there has been a lot of research suggesting the eradication of depression and anxiety, for as many other patients, it can actually cause anxiety and increase symptoms.
Terrence McKenna actually mentioned that mushrooms stimulate your nervous system, which adds to being placed into a state of pure fear. I'd only heard him quote this, after my trip and I wished I'd known this prior to my trip. I also found it interesting that he said he'd taken himself through various bad trips by breathing through it and actually suggests singing. I actually moved to doing this automatically as well, so what I'd suggest is that you prepare yourself mentally by also knowing if things get a little testy, be ready to sing and deep breathe. Remind yourself, it's just your nervous system being activated and remember FEAR IS AN ILLUSION. It is my belief that if you can bring yourself through this fear naturally and with surrender and strength in neutrality, you will be feeling quite positive overall regarding your experience.
Many who have been through bad trips, actually report that they're happy for the experience thereafter, so in some ways, perhaps it's the bad trips that can come with it a positive outcome in the long run.
What I found interesting was the following diagram showing the brain on a placebo, compared to taking a dose of mushrooms. It is scientifically proven that the brain reacts the exact same way as it if it is dreaming.
The brain creates new connections and is considered a re-set or a reboot by many people who have experienced even just one session.
My advice is to certainly do your own research and really ask yourself why you wish to take a psychedelic.
Prepare yourself for your journey and spend some time in meditation and create the right setting. You might also like to look at potentially having a trip-sitter with you, which is someone who will stay straight and just be there to support you through your journey.
And finally start small with your dosage and give it time to come on. There have been cases where even a few hours have passed between dropping a trip and it taking affect, so take your time with it.